'The Hite Report: On Women Loving Women' by Shere Hite

Every now and again in my life I come across a book which completely transforms my way of thinking. I believe 'The Hite Report: On Women Loving Women' by Shere Hite could become one of them.

Hite's book is potentially groundbreaking work on female relationships (not, as you may presume, solely lesbian relationships), and how the lack of open and honest communication between mothers and daughters on female sexuality during childhood is damaging not only their own relationship, but the relationship between sisters, female friendships and women's advancement in society.

Even today, women may feel more pride identifying with their fathers than their mothers. There's still something shameful, something inferior, about being a woman, and this belief is pervasive and insidious in society. Given this belief, women are left with the feeling that if they accept who they are and identify themselves as women, it's akin to admitting they're failures and 'second class citizens'. A person whom by dint of her sex is unworthy of an executive job, high-paid salary and equality in the workplace - who would want to associate herself as such?

This shame about being a woman is laid during childhood, believes Hite, by mothers refusing to be open and honest with their daughters about their sexuality.

Teenage girls desperately want to know more about their mother's body and sex life, so that they can then better understand their own. Yet the mother is naturally unforthcoming about such information; the changes are happening to the girl and she has many puzzling questions about it, yet her mother is keeping the answers hidden, a secret. Why isn't the girl allowed to ask her mother about her own body and sexuality? Even if the mother is willing to discuss periods with her daughter, she will rarely share her own experiences of this phenomenon; meaning the girl is supposed to accept this intrusion into her personal life by the mother, but not the other way round. This lack of two-way conversation is possibly the reason why teenage girls develop an irritable relationship with their mothers.

Girls cannot understand why their mother is so coy about her own sexuality. Why must it be kept hidden away as if it doesn't exist? Is there something shameful about a woman being sexual? What about orgasms, is it okay for women to have them? These questions are frequently in the child's minds, even if she may not have the words in which to express them. When sexuality is hidden as it is by the mother, these questions remained unanswered and form a barrier between mother and daughter. Daughters feel that they cannot trust their mother - they live with this person and yet there is a huge part of her that remains hidden, unspoken of. The daughter may feel it is unfair that her mother knows a lot about her and frequently sees her body, but is unwilling to share intimate details about herself.

Daughters presume that because the mother is unwilling to share her sexuality, that there must be something wrong with a girl being sexual, having a sex life and having orgasms. If there wasn't, why wouldn't her mother be more upfront about it? This is where the shame of being a woman starts. This lack of mistrust between mother and daughter is also the start of women's lifelong poor relationships with other women; the bickering, backstabbing and lack of nurturing between women that has become so prevalent in society.

Mothers and daughters developing two-way, open and honest communication about sexuality could pave the way for more nurturing female relationships in society. And make women who are proud to be women, because the essence of who we are as sexual beings is no longer viewed as shameful and demeaning.

Hite has come under fire by psychologists in the past for the lack of rigour in her sampling methods, leading to flawed results. This Hite Report was published late 2007 and so far, I've been unable to find information on the web which either supports or discredits her sampling methods for this Hite Report. I hope, for the sake of the crucial message in this book, she has learnt from previous mistakes and been more rigorous this time.