About seven years ago I acquired the ability to lucid dream almost at will. There was a week where I lucid dreamed almost every night. During those encounters I knew that I was dreaming but I became the director of my dreams – whatever I wanted to happen would happen. I spent those nights having sex with man after man; always trying to find some kind of sexual fulfilment. During that time of my life I was struggling to reach orgasm even whilst masturbating – I seemed to get stuck in the plateau phase and felt extremely frustrated as a consequence. I blamed the man for my lack of orgasm – he didn’t know how to pleasure me. That was likely true – he didn’t know how to pleasure me because I didn’t know either. I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t enjoy sex, even though I wanted it. Additionally, having since learnt a lot more about my sexual self, I now know that we were sexually incompatible; I like to be dominated by the man, and he was a passive lover. I like pretty much silence during sex with the odd bit of talk – he found this a turn-off. He found explicit narrative of a favourite fantasy a huge turn-on – for me this was a complete and utter turn-off; but having grown-up with the notion that as a woman it was my role to satisfy the man, I lacked the assertiveness to say what I wanted. If I had, I would have realised long ago that we weren’t right for each other, done my self-esteem a favour and left the relationship.
What was incredibly liberating for me at that time was in those lucid dreams I was able to break-free of the rigid social conformity I’d been brought-up with. My sexual delights were not constrained by the dictates of what society deemed appropriate for women – namely that women didn’t have multiple partners, many sexual encounters, casual sex, and weren’t really all that interested in sex. In those lucid dreams I could do whatever I wanted to do and I wouldn’t be condemned by society. Whilst I could enjoy the dreams, they weren’t real and so there were no consequences of my actions.
In real-life I was straight-jacketed by what society deemed sexually appropriate for women; lacking independence of mind and spirit, I was terrified of being labelled a slut and shunned accordingly by people I called my friends.
That’s why those dreams were so liberating – I didn’t have to worry about what people would think – I could just do what I wanted and nobody would find out. I remember when I woke-up inside my first dream and realised that I was lucid dreaming and what I was going to do with it – I was going to have sex of course, that bit was obvious. Instantaneously, the old terrors of what people would think gripped me. I vividly remember the feeling of overwhelming liberation when I realised that I didn’t have to worry about what other people would think; I wouldn’t have to be terrified that they would shun me. It was just a dream – everything that I was doing was not happening in reality and therefore I couldn’t be condemned for it.
It is only now, having learnt greater independence and having stopped worrying what other people think (because my actions are guided by my own internal code, based on rational principles, rather than the dictates of an outdated society), that I can be sexually liberated. Sexual liberation does not mean that I have to take multiple partners, have one-night stands, rampant lesbian sex and orgies every Saturday. Unless I want to, and it’s probable that I don’t. It means I’m free to explore what’s right for me, whilst respecting the rights of others, and without a care for society’s prudishness. Frequently when people express disapproval of a particular sexual act, it is an expression of their own sexual suppression.
Lucid dreaming is as vivid and feels as real as a normal dream; only you’re in control, and this is what makes it especially satisfying. If you can learn to lucid dream, and it’s not easy, then it can be a fun way to experience the kind of sex that you wouldn’t normally want to experience in reality. You may fantasise about threesomes or lesbian sex, whilst being aware that it’s not really for you. By experiencing it in a lucid dream, you can enjoy the voyeurism without suffering from the adverse effects of engaging in a sexual act which you’re not comfortable with. You also don’t have to worry about getting pregnant, contracting HIV or other STDs, or finding out that your partners are cheating on you. Be aware though that if my experience is anything to go by, if you’re sexually repressed in real-life you may find that you carry that repression over into your dreams; meaning the characters in your dreams won’t become wonderful lovers, unless you embrace assertiveness and tell them what you want (and remember, you control the dream characters).
It’s all safe, good fun.
Two points of caution though: 1) you lose out on deep sleep when you lucid dream and so don’t feel as rested when you wake-up, and 2) don’t let bonking in your dreams overrun your life.
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