Sexual Pigenholes

'Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving' by Betty Dodson, is a fascinating account of her own personal journey of sexual discovery.

Every now and again she drops something in that shatters my previous way of thinking. One of these is our obsession with pigeon-holing people into certain sexual groups. "People [are] socially tortured by having to choose between being straight or gay," (Dodson, B., 1996).

If you're a woman and you like sex with other woman; you're a lesbian, i.e. that's your pigeonhole. If you're a woman and you enjoy sex with men; you're heterosexual. If you enjoy sex with both men and women, that makes you a bisexual. However, are these labels helpful, if we want to fully explore and subsequently become more accepting of our sexual selves?

There are probably thousands of 'heterosexual' women who are curious about sleeping with other women, but are afraid to be labelled as bi. They may not consider themselves bi; merely inquisitive. They just want to explore what turns them on, so that they may discover greater heights of passion and fulfilment. However, social barriers can hinder or quash this exploration before it has even begun. Bisexuals and lesbians [and homosexuals] are still stigmatized, although society is gradually being eroded of its hang-ups in this area.

Why is this important? We've all heard of the countless men and women who rush into marriages, only to announce years later that they consider themselves to be gay. They could have saved themselves and their partners a lot of heartache if they'd felt safe to explore who they really were in their formative years (or older if necessary).

Additionally, there are innumerable marriages which lack passion and again, knowing what turns you on, is key to re-igniting or keeping that sexual spark. Which leads me nicely back on track to 'The Erotic Mind'... more next time.