One of the best things about snuggling with female friends is the skin-on-skin contact we benefit from cuddling whilst just wearing underwear. This special kind of physical contact is hard to come by, when you're not in a relationship. Even when in a relationship, men frequently struggle to just cuddle and not get sexually aroused and then want sex. This is why when you crave touch, snuggling with your female friends can be such a huge bonus; you can just cuddle without it potentially leading to sex.
Skin-on-skin contact feels so wonderful, and yet I would say we're fairly deprived of it in our culture. We're fairly deprived of physical touch full stop. Think about it, how many hugs do you receive a day? Sometimes we can go for days or weeks without hugging someone. Other primates regularly groom and hold each other and so naturally get their need for touch met. In addition, wearing clothes can act as a barrier between ourselves and others, even those we do hug. Yet being touched is massively important for emotional and physical well-being (babies who are not touched fail to thrive).
How comfortable would you feel cuddling your female friends whilst wearing only underwear? Maybe the thought is alien to you, you think it's wrong, or, lucky you, it's something you do on a regular basis. If it's something you've never done before, we welcome you to try it.
Saturday 10 January 2009
Monday 5 January 2009
Frequency of Female Masturbation and its Impact on Orgasm
Whenever I leave too long a gap in between my masturbation sessions, I'm always too frustrated to relax properly. This is what happened today. I so wanted an orgasm, having not masturbated for a week (it was difficult getting time alone), that I found myself concentrating too hard on wanting to come, rather than just letting it happen. As a result my orgasm was a 'not quite there' one. The sort where you don't quite leave the plateau phase and so never feel the relief of orgasm. Even when I carried on masturbating, the resulting orgasm still didn't leave me satisfied. It was a so so orgasm; the kind I used to have when I hadn't learnt how to relax and go with the flow properly.
I will try again tomorrow.
I find my most intense orgasms come when I masturbate every other day. Long enough to have raised my desire levels, but not too long to make me frustrated. I discovered this by accident when I was 20 and it still holds today.
How about you? Have you discovered an optimum length of time between your masturbation sessions? I have found it makes a huge difference to the intensity of my orgasms.
I will try again tomorrow.
I find my most intense orgasms come when I masturbate every other day. Long enough to have raised my desire levels, but not too long to make me frustrated. I discovered this by accident when I was 20 and it still holds today.
How about you? Have you discovered an optimum length of time between your masturbation sessions? I have found it makes a huge difference to the intensity of my orgasms.
Saturday 3 January 2009
Is Your Vulva Normal?
In Sex for One, there are pages of fine art drawings of vulvas by Betty Dodson. Looking at them made me realise that, like people, all vulvas are different.
Have you ever looked at your vulva, either with the aid of a mirror or digital camera, and wondered if yours was 'normal' or not? If you've ever made the mistake of comparing your vulva to those on porn videos, you may well have come to the conclusion that you're some kind of freak. You're not. Porn stars are employed on the basis of their vulvas looking a certain way. Therefore, porn stars whose vulvas do not 'conform', either don't get the job or go and have plastic surgery (ouch!).
We're strongly against genital plastic surgery (except for women who've had genital mutilation, people who want sex changes, or other genuine reasons). If you're thinking of getting plastic surgery because you believe your vulva is somehow abnormal, recognise that your fears are being played upon, simply to get you to part with your money. Your 'new' vulva will likely be no more appealing to your partner and you may lose sensation due to scarring. Meaning, you may have paid someone to make you less orgasmic! There is nothing wrong with your vulva; if you don't believe me, look online at pictures of others (but NOT on porn sites). If you're worried that your male partner won't like yours, remember this: Thousands of years of evolution have programmed the male brain to find them appealing. Actually, he's probably more interested in your vagina anyway!
Have you ever looked at your vulva, either with the aid of a mirror or digital camera, and wondered if yours was 'normal' or not? If you've ever made the mistake of comparing your vulva to those on porn videos, you may well have come to the conclusion that you're some kind of freak. You're not. Porn stars are employed on the basis of their vulvas looking a certain way. Therefore, porn stars whose vulvas do not 'conform', either don't get the job or go and have plastic surgery (ouch!).
We're strongly against genital plastic surgery (except for women who've had genital mutilation, people who want sex changes, or other genuine reasons). If you're thinking of getting plastic surgery because you believe your vulva is somehow abnormal, recognise that your fears are being played upon, simply to get you to part with your money. Your 'new' vulva will likely be no more appealing to your partner and you may lose sensation due to scarring. Meaning, you may have paid someone to make you less orgasmic! There is nothing wrong with your vulva; if you don't believe me, look online at pictures of others (but NOT on porn sites). If you're worried that your male partner won't like yours, remember this: Thousands of years of evolution have programmed the male brain to find them appealing. Actually, he's probably more interested in your vagina anyway!
Friday 2 January 2009
Orgasmic Dreams
Have you ever orgasmed in your sleep? The number of women who experience 'wet dreams' (but without the wet patch), varies between 6 and 37 percent, depending on the study.
If I don't masturbate for several days, I have really sexy dreams. The other night I had a semi-lucid dream, where I must have sensed in some way that I was dreaming, because I said to everybody who was in the back of the cart with me, "We can do whatever we like, because it's just a dream, so there'll be no social repercussions. So, please would you give me oral sex?" (This was directed at a woman.) I consider myself to be mostly heterosexual, but prefer to experience out-of-the-ordinary when I'm lucid dreaming. Interestingly, I'm also not keen on oral sex in real-life; although this may have something to do with the discomfort of knowing my male partners haven't enjoyed giving it. Anyway, the first orgasm was okay. I then asked Kitty, who was in my dream, if she would also give me oral sex. The first orgasm she gave me was great, but the second was probably the most intense orgasm I have ever experienced and I was thrashing around for AGES!
Kitty was well hacked-off when I told her about my dream. Not, as you may be thinking, because she was upset about the oral sex, but because she never experiences sexy dreams.
However, it doesn't always work out the way I want it to - the other night I dreamt of a guy I fancied. I asked him if he'd have sex with me, and he said, "I'm not keen." Bastard! :)
If I don't masturbate for several days, I have really sexy dreams. The other night I had a semi-lucid dream, where I must have sensed in some way that I was dreaming, because I said to everybody who was in the back of the cart with me, "We can do whatever we like, because it's just a dream, so there'll be no social repercussions. So, please would you give me oral sex?" (This was directed at a woman.) I consider myself to be mostly heterosexual, but prefer to experience out-of-the-ordinary when I'm lucid dreaming. Interestingly, I'm also not keen on oral sex in real-life; although this may have something to do with the discomfort of knowing my male partners haven't enjoyed giving it. Anyway, the first orgasm was okay. I then asked Kitty, who was in my dream, if she would also give me oral sex. The first orgasm she gave me was great, but the second was probably the most intense orgasm I have ever experienced and I was thrashing around for AGES!
Kitty was well hacked-off when I told her about my dream. Not, as you may be thinking, because she was upset about the oral sex, but because she never experiences sexy dreams.
However, it doesn't always work out the way I want it to - the other night I dreamt of a guy I fancied. I asked him if he'd have sex with me, and he said, "I'm not keen." Bastard! :)
Thursday 1 January 2009
NOT for the Squeamish!
If you have ever wondered what your cervix looks like over the course of an entire menstrual cycle, then a 25-year-old woman has photographed hers using the macro function of a digital camera, a plastic speculum and a boyfriend holding a flash lamp! You can see her cervix here.
These photos are NOT for the squeamish!
I (Bunny) have seen the inside of my womb, which was fascinating. I was sterilised last year using Essure micro-inserts (small spring-like inserts made of nitinol). I have never had children and never want them. Essure is a non-cutting form of sterilisation, as the micro-inserts are inserted into the fallopian tubes via the cervix. I was able to watch the entire procedure on the monitor the consultant was using to view my fallopian tubes.
By the way, if you live in the UK, would like to be sterilised, haven't had children and have been led to believe that no doctor will perform such an operation on the NHS, Mr J. Clarke at Birmingham Women's Hospital will do so. You'll need to be referred by your GP. Your GP is far more likely to refer you if he believes that having children will be detrimental to your physical or mental well-being - I told mine that having children was my idea of hell (which was true, but it certainly worked).
These photos are NOT for the squeamish!
I (Bunny) have seen the inside of my womb, which was fascinating. I was sterilised last year using Essure micro-inserts (small spring-like inserts made of nitinol). I have never had children and never want them. Essure is a non-cutting form of sterilisation, as the micro-inserts are inserted into the fallopian tubes via the cervix. I was able to watch the entire procedure on the monitor the consultant was using to view my fallopian tubes.
By the way, if you live in the UK, would like to be sterilised, haven't had children and have been led to believe that no doctor will perform such an operation on the NHS, Mr J. Clarke at Birmingham Women's Hospital will do so. You'll need to be referred by your GP. Your GP is far more likely to refer you if he believes that having children will be detrimental to your physical or mental well-being - I told mine that having children was my idea of hell (which was true, but it certainly worked).
Wednesday 31 December 2008
Many Women Are Incapable of Reaching Orgasm - Is This True?
When I was in my early teens and not yet sexually active or masturbating, I read somewhere that a certain percentage of women were physically incapable of reaching orgasm. Guess who subsequently struggled to reach orgasm and therefore worried that she fell into this category?!
This fear that I was one of those doomed women who couldn't orgasm, meant that I was always uptight during sex and whilst masturbating. This is because I was constantly worrying about whether I would orgasm or not, which increased the likelihood that I wouldn't come and therefore reinforced my belief.
It took me many years of masturbation for me to easily reach orgasm. I learnt to relax. I learnt to stop worrying about whether I would come or not and just enjoy what I was feeling. The more I stopped focusing on the fact that I found it hard to orgasm, the easier I came, and eventually I was able to break my self-sabotaging belief.
I wish I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller had been published when I was a teenager, because reading it would have saved me years of worry and frustration. Apparently, the number of women who really are physically incapable of reaching orgasm is minuscule. Which means you're highly unlikely to be one of them.
According to Shere Hite in The Hite Report, the majority of women who had never reached orgasm were under thirty. (Women reach their sexual peak around 36-years-of-age.) So there is at least one compensation for getting older! It also means that if you're currently in your twenties or younger and struggling to orgasm, you will eventually get there. Although I realise this is little comfort now, if the worry that you can't orgasm is contributing to your being inorgasmic, then it may help you to relax and thus enjoy sex/masturbation more.
This fear that I was one of those doomed women who couldn't orgasm, meant that I was always uptight during sex and whilst masturbating. This is because I was constantly worrying about whether I would orgasm or not, which increased the likelihood that I wouldn't come and therefore reinforced my belief.
It took me many years of masturbation for me to easily reach orgasm. I learnt to relax. I learnt to stop worrying about whether I would come or not and just enjoy what I was feeling. The more I stopped focusing on the fact that I found it hard to orgasm, the easier I came, and eventually I was able to break my self-sabotaging belief.
I wish I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller had been published when I was a teenager, because reading it would have saved me years of worry and frustration. Apparently, the number of women who really are physically incapable of reaching orgasm is minuscule. Which means you're highly unlikely to be one of them.
According to Shere Hite in The Hite Report, the majority of women who had never reached orgasm were under thirty. (Women reach their sexual peak around 36-years-of-age.) So there is at least one compensation for getting older! It also means that if you're currently in your twenties or younger and struggling to orgasm, you will eventually get there. Although I realise this is little comfort now, if the worry that you can't orgasm is contributing to your being inorgasmic, then it may help you to relax and thus enjoy sex/masturbation more.
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