Whenever I leave too long a gap in between my masturbation sessions, I'm always too frustrated to relax properly. This is what happened today. I so wanted an orgasm, having not masturbated for a week (it was difficult getting time alone), that I found myself concentrating too hard on wanting to come, rather than just letting it happen. As a result my orgasm was a 'not quite there' one. The sort where you don't quite leave the plateau phase and so never feel the relief of orgasm. Even when I carried on masturbating, the resulting orgasm still didn't leave me satisfied. It was a so so orgasm; the kind I used to have when I hadn't learnt how to relax and go with the flow properly.
I will try again tomorrow.
I find my most intense orgasms come when I masturbate every other day. Long enough to have raised my desire levels, but not too long to make me frustrated. I discovered this by accident when I was 20 and it still holds today.
How about you? Have you discovered an optimum length of time between your masturbation sessions? I have found it makes a huge difference to the intensity of my orgasms.
Showing posts with label female orgasm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label female orgasm. Show all posts
Monday, 5 January 2009
Friday, 2 January 2009
Orgasmic Dreams
Have you ever orgasmed in your sleep? The number of women who experience 'wet dreams' (but without the wet patch), varies between 6 and 37 percent, depending on the study.
If I don't masturbate for several days, I have really sexy dreams. The other night I had a semi-lucid dream, where I must have sensed in some way that I was dreaming, because I said to everybody who was in the back of the cart with me, "We can do whatever we like, because it's just a dream, so there'll be no social repercussions. So, please would you give me oral sex?" (This was directed at a woman.) I consider myself to be mostly heterosexual, but prefer to experience out-of-the-ordinary when I'm lucid dreaming. Interestingly, I'm also not keen on oral sex in real-life; although this may have something to do with the discomfort of knowing my male partners haven't enjoyed giving it. Anyway, the first orgasm was okay. I then asked Kitty, who was in my dream, if she would also give me oral sex. The first orgasm she gave me was great, but the second was probably the most intense orgasm I have ever experienced and I was thrashing around for AGES!
Kitty was well hacked-off when I told her about my dream. Not, as you may be thinking, because she was upset about the oral sex, but because she never experiences sexy dreams.
However, it doesn't always work out the way I want it to - the other night I dreamt of a guy I fancied. I asked him if he'd have sex with me, and he said, "I'm not keen." Bastard! :)
If I don't masturbate for several days, I have really sexy dreams. The other night I had a semi-lucid dream, where I must have sensed in some way that I was dreaming, because I said to everybody who was in the back of the cart with me, "We can do whatever we like, because it's just a dream, so there'll be no social repercussions. So, please would you give me oral sex?" (This was directed at a woman.) I consider myself to be mostly heterosexual, but prefer to experience out-of-the-ordinary when I'm lucid dreaming. Interestingly, I'm also not keen on oral sex in real-life; although this may have something to do with the discomfort of knowing my male partners haven't enjoyed giving it. Anyway, the first orgasm was okay. I then asked Kitty, who was in my dream, if she would also give me oral sex. The first orgasm she gave me was great, but the second was probably the most intense orgasm I have ever experienced and I was thrashing around for AGES!
Kitty was well hacked-off when I told her about my dream. Not, as you may be thinking, because she was upset about the oral sex, but because she never experiences sexy dreams.
However, it doesn't always work out the way I want it to - the other night I dreamt of a guy I fancied. I asked him if he'd have sex with me, and he said, "I'm not keen." Bastard! :)
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Many Women Are Incapable of Reaching Orgasm - Is This True?
When I was in my early teens and not yet sexually active or masturbating, I read somewhere that a certain percentage of women were physically incapable of reaching orgasm. Guess who subsequently struggled to reach orgasm and therefore worried that she fell into this category?!
This fear that I was one of those doomed women who couldn't orgasm, meant that I was always uptight during sex and whilst masturbating. This is because I was constantly worrying about whether I would orgasm or not, which increased the likelihood that I wouldn't come and therefore reinforced my belief.
It took me many years of masturbation for me to easily reach orgasm. I learnt to relax. I learnt to stop worrying about whether I would come or not and just enjoy what I was feeling. The more I stopped focusing on the fact that I found it hard to orgasm, the easier I came, and eventually I was able to break my self-sabotaging belief.
I wish I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller had been published when I was a teenager, because reading it would have saved me years of worry and frustration. Apparently, the number of women who really are physically incapable of reaching orgasm is minuscule. Which means you're highly unlikely to be one of them.
According to Shere Hite in The Hite Report, the majority of women who had never reached orgasm were under thirty. (Women reach their sexual peak around 36-years-of-age.) So there is at least one compensation for getting older! It also means that if you're currently in your twenties or younger and struggling to orgasm, you will eventually get there. Although I realise this is little comfort now, if the worry that you can't orgasm is contributing to your being inorgasmic, then it may help you to relax and thus enjoy sex/masturbation more.
This fear that I was one of those doomed women who couldn't orgasm, meant that I was always uptight during sex and whilst masturbating. This is because I was constantly worrying about whether I would orgasm or not, which increased the likelihood that I wouldn't come and therefore reinforced my belief.
It took me many years of masturbation for me to easily reach orgasm. I learnt to relax. I learnt to stop worrying about whether I would come or not and just enjoy what I was feeling. The more I stopped focusing on the fact that I found it hard to orgasm, the easier I came, and eventually I was able to break my self-sabotaging belief.
I wish I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller had been published when I was a teenager, because reading it would have saved me years of worry and frustration. Apparently, the number of women who really are physically incapable of reaching orgasm is minuscule. Which means you're highly unlikely to be one of them.
According to Shere Hite in The Hite Report, the majority of women who had never reached orgasm were under thirty. (Women reach their sexual peak around 36-years-of-age.) So there is at least one compensation for getting older! It also means that if you're currently in your twenties or younger and struggling to orgasm, you will eventually get there. Although I realise this is little comfort now, if the worry that you can't orgasm is contributing to your being inorgasmic, then it may help you to relax and thus enjoy sex/masturbation more.
Monday, 29 December 2008
If Humans Had Tails...
If you've never bemoaned Homo sapiens's loss of its tail, now is the time to do so! Remember the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle we talked about in an earlier post, and that its strengthening at any opportune moment (supermarket queue/line, traffic jam, etc.), would bring a bigger smile to your orgasming face? Well, if we humans still had tails, we'd be able to wag our way to better orgasms!
No wonder dogs are always so happy!
No wonder dogs are always so happy!
Sunday, 28 December 2008
Female Masturbation - A Poor Substitute for Sex or an Essential Part of Female Sexuality?
Up until recently I viewed masturbation as a poor substitute for sex. It was something I did to keep the 'hysteria'* at bay whilst I was in between partners. Okay, given it has helped me to understand what makes me come and what doesn't, but I still saw it as 'second best' to the 'real thing'.
Whilst I still love sex, I'm starting to view masturbation as something I would do in conjunction with regular sex (I have a high sex drive, untempered as it is, by the contraceptive pill). I see now that I can enjoy both - each would fulfil different needs.
It's interesting that whilst half of women report reaching orgasm every time through masturbation, this falls to only a quarter every time from intercourse. Therefore, masturbation can still be seen as important for women in a relationship. If they don't masturbate, they may easily suffer from sexual frustration because sex is not providing orgasmic relief.
Masturbation is a readily available source of self-love. Sometimes you may want orgasmic release without having sex, and masturbation provides the ideal aid.
Masturbation can also serve another use: Allowing your partner to watch you masturbate sometimes, may allow him/her to understand what turns you on better. Ditto for you.
*Historically, hysteria was the diagnosis given to women who were, essentially, suffering from sexual frustration. A physician would manually bring them to orgasm using his fingers, until the invention of the vibrator, which was developed specifically as an aid to these physicians.
Whilst I still love sex, I'm starting to view masturbation as something I would do in conjunction with regular sex (I have a high sex drive, untempered as it is, by the contraceptive pill). I see now that I can enjoy both - each would fulfil different needs.
It's interesting that whilst half of women report reaching orgasm every time through masturbation, this falls to only a quarter every time from intercourse. Therefore, masturbation can still be seen as important for women in a relationship. If they don't masturbate, they may easily suffer from sexual frustration because sex is not providing orgasmic relief.
Masturbation is a readily available source of self-love. Sometimes you may want orgasmic release without having sex, and masturbation provides the ideal aid.
Masturbation can also serve another use: Allowing your partner to watch you masturbate sometimes, may allow him/her to understand what turns you on better. Ditto for you.
*Historically, hysteria was the diagnosis given to women who were, essentially, suffering from sexual frustration. A physician would manually bring them to orgasm using his fingers, until the invention of the vibrator, which was developed specifically as an aid to these physicians.
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
Kegel's Orgasmic Patients
Stay with me on this one. Dr Arnold Kegel developed exercises for strengthening the pubococcygeus muscle (mercifully shortened to PC muscle), for women suffering with urinary incontinence after childbirth. His name may have been rememebered only by gynaecology students, had his patients not discovered a startling side-effect of their diligence. Women who regularly practised his exercises were rewarded with increased sexual gratification. Meaning...
They had more orgasms!
They had more intense orgasms!
Women who before had been unable to orgasm found they were now able to come!
Woohoo!
The great thing about Kegel exercises is that you can do them anytime, anywhere. On the bus, stuck in a traffic jam, in a boring meeting, in the supermarket queue [line], whilst filling your car up, whilst masturbating, etc.
You will get the best results if you do them on a regular basis, which means remembering to do them. We find it helpful to link performing them with something we do already do. For example, Bunny likes to perform them whilst masturbating (which she does most days), because they make her orgasms better at the same time. If you get stuck in a traffic jam on your way home from work each day, you might want to make this time more productive and practise Kegeling. Find an occasion that works for you.
So, how do you Kegel?
To locate the PC muscle, simply stop the stream of urine next time you're on the toilet. This is the muscle you'll be working on. A word of caution: Once you've located the muscle this way, don't use each visit to the bathroom as your practise session; because repeatedly stopping-starting the stream of urine can (we understand) contribute to bladder infections.
Now that you've located the PC muscle, there are different 'exercise routines'(!) you can try:
1. Quick squeezes: quickly squeeze the PC muscle 15 times, then pause for 30 seconds and repeat. The first time you do it, perform 15 reps. The aim is to work your way up to 100 reps, twice a day.
2. Slow hold and release: slowly tighten the muscle and hold it for 5 seconds, then release slowly. Aim for eventually 25 reps twice a day.
3. Thirds: tighten the muscle one third of the way, pause, then squeeze until two thirds of the way, pause, then squeeze until all the way. Aim for 10 reps twice a day.
The idea is to make Kegeling fun for yourself, because let's face it, if you don't enjoy the act, you're not going to do them, no matter what promises of mind-blowing orgasms we tempt you with.
If you're completely unmoved by the thought of Kegeling, try squeezing your vibrator with your PC muscles next time you masturbate - you never know, the Earth may move (go on, allow me the pun). :)
They had more orgasms!
They had more intense orgasms!
Women who before had been unable to orgasm found they were now able to come!
Woohoo!
The great thing about Kegel exercises is that you can do them anytime, anywhere. On the bus, stuck in a traffic jam, in a boring meeting, in the supermarket queue [line], whilst filling your car up, whilst masturbating, etc.
You will get the best results if you do them on a regular basis, which means remembering to do them. We find it helpful to link performing them with something we do already do. For example, Bunny likes to perform them whilst masturbating (which she does most days), because they make her orgasms better at the same time. If you get stuck in a traffic jam on your way home from work each day, you might want to make this time more productive and practise Kegeling. Find an occasion that works for you.
So, how do you Kegel?
To locate the PC muscle, simply stop the stream of urine next time you're on the toilet. This is the muscle you'll be working on. A word of caution: Once you've located the muscle this way, don't use each visit to the bathroom as your practise session; because repeatedly stopping-starting the stream of urine can (we understand) contribute to bladder infections.
Now that you've located the PC muscle, there are different 'exercise routines'(!) you can try:
1. Quick squeezes: quickly squeeze the PC muscle 15 times, then pause for 30 seconds and repeat. The first time you do it, perform 15 reps. The aim is to work your way up to 100 reps, twice a day.
2. Slow hold and release: slowly tighten the muscle and hold it for 5 seconds, then release slowly. Aim for eventually 25 reps twice a day.
3. Thirds: tighten the muscle one third of the way, pause, then squeeze until two thirds of the way, pause, then squeeze until all the way. Aim for 10 reps twice a day.
The idea is to make Kegeling fun for yourself, because let's face it, if you don't enjoy the act, you're not going to do them, no matter what promises of mind-blowing orgasms we tempt you with.
If you're completely unmoved by the thought of Kegeling, try squeezing your vibrator with your PC muscles next time you masturbate - you never know, the Earth may move (go on, allow me the pun). :)
Friday, 19 December 2008
Body Image & Orgasms
Do you like your own body? Does looking at it bring you pleasure or do you stare critically at it, only seeing what you perceive as faults?
I don't know about you, but I grew-up with a very poor body image; obese as a child, I was picked on at school about my weight. This led me to hate my body as an adolescent. It has taken me many years to accept myself; helped by a healthy diet and exercising through enjoyable hobbies (dancing and martial arts). As an aside: If you've never managed to stick to an exercise routine, chances are you were going to the gym and/or doing a form of exercise for the sake of exercising; rather than something which you enjoyed doing, but which just so happened to involve exercise as well. I learnt this tip from male friends; why punish yourself through exercise when you can have a good time instead? Clever huh?! [This is possibly one of the reasons why there are fewer obese men than women.]
As for a healthy diet, I'm convinced most dieters fail because they've been tricked into believing that they can still eat 'treats', but just not as often. Some people have the willpower required to only occasionally eat calorie-laden nutrient-empty foods. Most people do not fall into this category. Try giving-up junk foods for good and you will eventually lose the taste for them. The reason why you currently crave them is because they are loaded with salt and sugar. Oh, and the reason why you crave food in general is because your body is crying-out for nutrients, so eating nutrient-dense foods will help curb these cravings.
Anyway, I digress... If we're loony enough to compare ourselves to images of airbrushed supermodels, we are, of course, doomed to measure-up short. With the resultant anguish this causes. This matters not only because of the negative impact it has on our self-esteem, but also because a poor body image can prevent us from enjoying sex. If, during a bit of horizontal jogging (yes, you can include sex in your exercise quotient), all you can focus on is how big your thighs are, don't be surprised if you don't orgasm. Orgasms come to those who focus on the sensations of pleasure, not to body-obsessed worry worts.
Yes, it's unfair. Believe me, I know.
Masturbation can help to shift your focus from 'how big your thighs are' to what feels good. Hopefully, if no one else is looking at you, your negative self-talk may be quietened a little, and you may be able to reach orgasm.
Has this helped?
I don't know about you, but I grew-up with a very poor body image; obese as a child, I was picked on at school about my weight. This led me to hate my body as an adolescent. It has taken me many years to accept myself; helped by a healthy diet and exercising through enjoyable hobbies (dancing and martial arts). As an aside: If you've never managed to stick to an exercise routine, chances are you were going to the gym and/or doing a form of exercise for the sake of exercising; rather than something which you enjoyed doing, but which just so happened to involve exercise as well. I learnt this tip from male friends; why punish yourself through exercise when you can have a good time instead? Clever huh?! [This is possibly one of the reasons why there are fewer obese men than women.]
As for a healthy diet, I'm convinced most dieters fail because they've been tricked into believing that they can still eat 'treats', but just not as often. Some people have the willpower required to only occasionally eat calorie-laden nutrient-empty foods. Most people do not fall into this category. Try giving-up junk foods for good and you will eventually lose the taste for them. The reason why you currently crave them is because they are loaded with salt and sugar. Oh, and the reason why you crave food in general is because your body is crying-out for nutrients, so eating nutrient-dense foods will help curb these cravings.
Anyway, I digress... If we're loony enough to compare ourselves to images of airbrushed supermodels, we are, of course, doomed to measure-up short. With the resultant anguish this causes. This matters not only because of the negative impact it has on our self-esteem, but also because a poor body image can prevent us from enjoying sex. If, during a bit of horizontal jogging (yes, you can include sex in your exercise quotient), all you can focus on is how big your thighs are, don't be surprised if you don't orgasm. Orgasms come to those who focus on the sensations of pleasure, not to body-obsessed worry worts.
Yes, it's unfair. Believe me, I know.
Masturbation can help to shift your focus from 'how big your thighs are' to what feels good. Hopefully, if no one else is looking at you, your negative self-talk may be quietened a little, and you may be able to reach orgasm.
Has this helped?
Thursday, 18 December 2008
Vibrator Addiction
Are you addicted to your vibrator?
Actually, the questions should be, "Is it possible to get addicted to your vibrator?"
I can confirm that Kitty is totally addicted in every way and that yes, you can get addicted to your vibrator and there's no known cure, other than to do what the Mormons say and give up masturbation forever. Sorry about that.
I am, of course, joking!
By addiction to their vibrator, women mean that if they become accustomed to orgasming by using one, will this mean they can't orgasm any other way? This myth has been making the rounds and so we thought the has come time to quash it.
Studies have shown that most women who use vibrators can still orgasm through other forms of stimulation. However, if you can only orgasm using a vibrator, or it's your favourite way to come, not to worry, you could simply incorporate the vibrator into your sex life for the rest of your days. There is no rule to say that you can't.
If, having used a vibrator, you find it harder to come with the help of a hand or tongue, stop using the vibrator for a while and give your body time to readjust to these subtler sensations.
Your orgasm will vary depending on the type of stimulation. However, direct stimulation of the genitals isn't the only turn-on; erotic thoughts, dressing-up, dominant sex, etc., can all help to tip you over the edge. Which means that whilst you may need a vibrator during masturbation, your partner may provide additional turn-ons, allowing you to come from the subtler stimulation of fingers/tongue.
Actually, the questions should be, "Is it possible to get addicted to your vibrator?"
I can confirm that Kitty is totally addicted in every way and that yes, you can get addicted to your vibrator and there's no known cure, other than to do what the Mormons say and give up masturbation forever. Sorry about that.
I am, of course, joking!
By addiction to their vibrator, women mean that if they become accustomed to orgasming by using one, will this mean they can't orgasm any other way? This myth has been making the rounds and so we thought the has come time to quash it.
Studies have shown that most women who use vibrators can still orgasm through other forms of stimulation. However, if you can only orgasm using a vibrator, or it's your favourite way to come, not to worry, you could simply incorporate the vibrator into your sex life for the rest of your days. There is no rule to say that you can't.
If, having used a vibrator, you find it harder to come with the help of a hand or tongue, stop using the vibrator for a while and give your body time to readjust to these subtler sensations.
Your orgasm will vary depending on the type of stimulation. However, direct stimulation of the genitals isn't the only turn-on; erotic thoughts, dressing-up, dominant sex, etc., can all help to tip you over the edge. Which means that whilst you may need a vibrator during masturbation, your partner may provide additional turn-ons, allowing you to come from the subtler stimulation of fingers/tongue.
Saturday, 29 November 2008
Grow Your Own Orgasms
Follow our 'Grow Your Own Orgasms' tips, for bigger and better climaxes!
Tip #1:
The bigger the build-up; the bigger the orgasm.
So, build yourself up slowly. When you're on the edge of coming; stop. (I know this can require immense willpower, but believe me, it's worth it.) Wait for a few moments and then start stimulating yourself again. Repeat this several more times; when you do finally go over the edge, be sure to let the world know how good it feels!
Tip #2:
Hang your head over the side of the bed.
I discovered this nifty little trick a long time ago in the book, 'Becoming Orgasmic'. When you lie on the bed, be sure to let your head hang down over the side of the bed, this makes the blood rush to your head and more blood means more pleasure.
Tip #3:
Go for the double whammy.
Stimulate your clit and your G-spot at the same time, either with a Rampant Rabbit or by using two; one for your clit and one internally for your G-spot. The advantage of a Rampant Rabbit is that it leaves your hands free to play with your breasts or other erogenous zones (which brings me on to tip #4).
Tip #4:
Play with your other erogenous zones.
Stimulating your other erogenous zones during masturbation, will not only mean you can tell your partner which ones turn you into a crazed nympho and which ones leave you snoozing; you'll also be able to give yourself better orgasms. Top erogenous zones for women are (in order):
Neck
Ears
Breasts
Nipples
Thighs
Back
Lips
Hips
Stomach
Buttocks
I have incredibly sensitive nipples, and pinching these quickly sends me over the edge.
There are other erogenous zones that may be personal to you; I find pressing the base of my toes (on the sole) to be a huge turn-on.
Tip #5:
Breathe.
Important this. And not just for the obvious. A lot of women's breathing is too shallow when they masturbate and this can make their orgasms small and weeny, rather than big and lusty.
Tip #6:
Temperature.
During masturbation and sex your heart rate speeds-up, so you can quickly get too hot. If you do, stop what you're doing, take a few layers of clothing/bedding off and then begin again. Being too hot can put a damper on your orgasm.
Tip #7:
Meditate.
I've mentioned this before, but the brain is in the same state when you orgasm as it is when you meditate. Therefore, the 'backdoor' way to an orgasm is to meditate at the same time as you masturbate. My most intense orgasms have come from doing this.
Tip #1:
The bigger the build-up; the bigger the orgasm.
So, build yourself up slowly. When you're on the edge of coming; stop. (I know this can require immense willpower, but believe me, it's worth it.) Wait for a few moments and then start stimulating yourself again. Repeat this several more times; when you do finally go over the edge, be sure to let the world know how good it feels!
Tip #2:
Hang your head over the side of the bed.
I discovered this nifty little trick a long time ago in the book, 'Becoming Orgasmic'. When you lie on the bed, be sure to let your head hang down over the side of the bed, this makes the blood rush to your head and more blood means more pleasure.
Tip #3:
Go for the double whammy.
Stimulate your clit and your G-spot at the same time, either with a Rampant Rabbit or by using two; one for your clit and one internally for your G-spot. The advantage of a Rampant Rabbit is that it leaves your hands free to play with your breasts or other erogenous zones (which brings me on to tip #4).
Tip #4:
Play with your other erogenous zones.
Stimulating your other erogenous zones during masturbation, will not only mean you can tell your partner which ones turn you into a crazed nympho and which ones leave you snoozing; you'll also be able to give yourself better orgasms. Top erogenous zones for women are (in order):
Neck
Ears
Breasts
Nipples
Thighs
Back
Lips
Hips
Stomach
Buttocks
I have incredibly sensitive nipples, and pinching these quickly sends me over the edge.
There are other erogenous zones that may be personal to you; I find pressing the base of my toes (on the sole) to be a huge turn-on.
Tip #5:
Breathe.
Important this. And not just for the obvious. A lot of women's breathing is too shallow when they masturbate and this can make their orgasms small and weeny, rather than big and lusty.
Tip #6:
Temperature.
During masturbation and sex your heart rate speeds-up, so you can quickly get too hot. If you do, stop what you're doing, take a few layers of clothing/bedding off and then begin again. Being too hot can put a damper on your orgasm.
Tip #7:
Meditate.
I've mentioned this before, but the brain is in the same state when you orgasm as it is when you meditate. Therefore, the 'backdoor' way to an orgasm is to meditate at the same time as you masturbate. My most intense orgasms have come from doing this.
Sunday, 23 November 2008
Female Arousal
More from 'I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide' by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller.
In the 1950s and 1960s the pioneering sex researchers Masters & Johnson, hooked women up to machines and studied their bodies' responses from initial arousal through to orgasm. They found that women start off at the excitement phase and then, if stimulation continues, they go through a plateau phase, before finally reaching orgasm.
The 'finally' bit of this last sentence is the most important. Women can take, on average, 20 minutes to reach orgasm. That's a long plateau phase. This wouldn't be such a problem if women (and their male partners!), didn't compare themselves to men, who take, on average, 2 to 5 minutes to reach orgasm. When women compare themselves to men in this way, they end up believing that 20 minutes is a long time, and put pressure on themselves to come more quickly. Yet this pressure pretty much guarantees against an orgasm.
Remember also that this 20 minute plateau phase is an average - whilst some women can come within a few minutes, many women take much longer.
The long plateau phase means many women get bored and give up before they come. If this is you, it probably leaves you feeling extremely frustrated. Unfortunately, this can also become a vicious circle, with the more a woman wants to orgasm, the more she focuses on the fact that she's not coming and the less she focuses on the sensations she's experiencing. Focusing on not coming is likely to produce more of the same - lack of orgasm and the resultant disappointment. Whereas focusing on bodily sensations are more likely to induce the longed for rush of pleasure. Usually, if you continue with the stimulation that aroused you in the first place, and keep your mind on the job, rather than letting it wander onto your latest troubles or mundane trivialities, you will eventually come. Bunny finds that repeating a single word, mantra-like, which is akin to meditation, keeps her mind on the job and helps her to come in a few minutes (rather than 15 minutes).
Women require constant stimulation during orgasm otherwise the orgasm wanes - ensure your partner is aware of this, else you're in for a dissatisfying time.
After climax, the woman's body will eventually return to its nonaroused state, but if you pause stimulation for 10 to 60 seconds (if the clitoris has become too sensitive to touch), and then continue, you may find that you orgasm again. Kitty likes to clench her buttock muscles during orgasm, as she finds this helps her to have another orgasm. However, we would like to point out that orgasms aren't like trophies in a competition, to collect as many as possible.
In the 1950s and 1960s the pioneering sex researchers Masters & Johnson, hooked women up to machines and studied their bodies' responses from initial arousal through to orgasm. They found that women start off at the excitement phase and then, if stimulation continues, they go through a plateau phase, before finally reaching orgasm.
The 'finally' bit of this last sentence is the most important. Women can take, on average, 20 minutes to reach orgasm. That's a long plateau phase. This wouldn't be such a problem if women (and their male partners!), didn't compare themselves to men, who take, on average, 2 to 5 minutes to reach orgasm. When women compare themselves to men in this way, they end up believing that 20 minutes is a long time, and put pressure on themselves to come more quickly. Yet this pressure pretty much guarantees against an orgasm.
Remember also that this 20 minute plateau phase is an average - whilst some women can come within a few minutes, many women take much longer.
The long plateau phase means many women get bored and give up before they come. If this is you, it probably leaves you feeling extremely frustrated. Unfortunately, this can also become a vicious circle, with the more a woman wants to orgasm, the more she focuses on the fact that she's not coming and the less she focuses on the sensations she's experiencing. Focusing on not coming is likely to produce more of the same - lack of orgasm and the resultant disappointment. Whereas focusing on bodily sensations are more likely to induce the longed for rush of pleasure. Usually, if you continue with the stimulation that aroused you in the first place, and keep your mind on the job, rather than letting it wander onto your latest troubles or mundane trivialities, you will eventually come. Bunny finds that repeating a single word, mantra-like, which is akin to meditation, keeps her mind on the job and helps her to come in a few minutes (rather than 15 minutes).
Women require constant stimulation during orgasm otherwise the orgasm wanes - ensure your partner is aware of this, else you're in for a dissatisfying time.
After climax, the woman's body will eventually return to its nonaroused state, but if you pause stimulation for 10 to 60 seconds (if the clitoris has become too sensitive to touch), and then continue, you may find that you orgasm again. Kitty likes to clench her buttock muscles during orgasm, as she finds this helps her to have another orgasm. However, we would like to point out that orgasms aren't like trophies in a competition, to collect as many as possible.
Saturday, 22 November 2008
The Clitoris: Does Size Matter?
Does having a big clit mean big orgasms? Does a small clit leave you forever doomed to a life of so-so orgasms?
No!
Whatever the length or diameter of your clitoris; size does not matter. Studies have shown that 'seed-pearl' clits are equally capable of producing intense orgasms as voluptuous clits. Size, therefore, has no impact on the intensity, speed or ease of climax.
No!
Whatever the length or diameter of your clitoris; size does not matter. Studies have shown that 'seed-pearl' clits are equally capable of producing intense orgasms as voluptuous clits. Size, therefore, has no impact on the intensity, speed or ease of climax.
Friday, 21 November 2008
Anatomy of Female Orgasm continued
Unlike my previous post, we're now getting onto the anatomy of orgasm stuff I didn't know about until I read, 'I Love Female Orgasm,' by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller.
I knew the clitoris was the only organ in the human body whose sole reason for existence was pleasure. The clitoris and penis develop from the same tissue when we're in the womb, but it may surprise you to know that the clitoris is more sensitive (it surprised me). It has two to four times more nerve endings per square inch than the head of a penis; which therefore makes it the most sensitive part of the human body. I'm starting to like the sound of this!
I also knew the clitoris wasn't just the tiny nub we can see and feel - it extends deep inside the body. What I didn't know was that it's split into eighteen separate parts, some of which are quite large (and internal). Hey, I did human sexual reproduction in Biology at degree level, but no lecture taught me about the anatomy of this important organ. The visible parts of the clit are the glans, shaft, hood and inner lips. Inside the woman's body is erectile tissue (the tissue which the penis is comprised of); it is formed into a pair of wishbone shaped clitoral legs. These legs are 2 to 3.5 inches long, are positioned in a backward slant towards the tailbone, and engorge with blood during arousal. Incredibly, these 'legs' were documented as early as the 1600s (centuries before modern medicine) - but subsequent anatomists 'forgot' about them.
Complex nerves, ligaments and blood vessels also make up the clitoral organ. Additionally, there are glands to help with lubrication, which are involved in female ejaculation (when it occurs) - this has been receiving considerable attention in recent years.
No account of the anatomy of female orgasm would be complete without mentioning the G-spot, but this is a big enough topic to warrant its own post, so I won't go into it here except to say what it is. The G-spot, or urethral sponge, is an area of erectile tissue surrounding the urethra (the tube you urinate through). However, the effect it has on you when you apply deep pressure to this spot, is far more exciting than its anatomy would ever imply!
The complex anatomy of the clitoris means that women have extensive potential for sexual pleasure; the clitoris, therefore, deserves far more attention than it is currently getting.
I knew the clitoris was the only organ in the human body whose sole reason for existence was pleasure. The clitoris and penis develop from the same tissue when we're in the womb, but it may surprise you to know that the clitoris is more sensitive (it surprised me). It has two to four times more nerve endings per square inch than the head of a penis; which therefore makes it the most sensitive part of the human body. I'm starting to like the sound of this!
I also knew the clitoris wasn't just the tiny nub we can see and feel - it extends deep inside the body. What I didn't know was that it's split into eighteen separate parts, some of which are quite large (and internal). Hey, I did human sexual reproduction in Biology at degree level, but no lecture taught me about the anatomy of this important organ. The visible parts of the clit are the glans, shaft, hood and inner lips. Inside the woman's body is erectile tissue (the tissue which the penis is comprised of); it is formed into a pair of wishbone shaped clitoral legs. These legs are 2 to 3.5 inches long, are positioned in a backward slant towards the tailbone, and engorge with blood during arousal. Incredibly, these 'legs' were documented as early as the 1600s (centuries before modern medicine) - but subsequent anatomists 'forgot' about them.
Complex nerves, ligaments and blood vessels also make up the clitoral organ. Additionally, there are glands to help with lubrication, which are involved in female ejaculation (when it occurs) - this has been receiving considerable attention in recent years.
No account of the anatomy of female orgasm would be complete without mentioning the G-spot, but this is a big enough topic to warrant its own post, so I won't go into it here except to say what it is. The G-spot, or urethral sponge, is an area of erectile tissue surrounding the urethra (the tube you urinate through). However, the effect it has on you when you apply deep pressure to this spot, is far more exciting than its anatomy would ever imply!
The complex anatomy of the clitoris means that women have extensive potential for sexual pleasure; the clitoris, therefore, deserves far more attention than it is currently getting.
Sunday, 19 October 2008
Bush Exploring with Meditation
I've been enjoying 'Sex for One' by Betty Dodson. It's a fascinating account of her sexual history and how she helped other women (and men) become orgasmic through her workshops (and later earned a Ph.D. for her work in this field).
In a later chapter she mentions how she experimented with Transcendental Meditation - repeating a word or phrase as a mantra. She then incorporated this into her masturbation sessions with staggering results.
Curious, I decided to give it a go this morning and repeated the word "I" whilst bush exploring at the same time. I came after only a short time and my orgasm was incredibly intense and long-lasting.
The theory is that the mind state of meditation is similar to that during masturbation; so incorporating meditation allows you to more quickly reach the mind state necessary for orgasm. Also, concentrating on a mantra prevents your mind from wandering onto turn-off things like:
1) the mundane, such as doing the shopping;
2) fretting about any stressful situations you may have in your life;
3) feeling frustrated that you haven't come yet!
In a later chapter she mentions how she experimented with Transcendental Meditation - repeating a word or phrase as a mantra. She then incorporated this into her masturbation sessions with staggering results.
Curious, I decided to give it a go this morning and repeated the word "I" whilst bush exploring at the same time. I came after only a short time and my orgasm was incredibly intense and long-lasting.
The theory is that the mind state of meditation is similar to that during masturbation; so incorporating meditation allows you to more quickly reach the mind state necessary for orgasm. Also, concentrating on a mantra prevents your mind from wandering onto turn-off things like:
1) the mundane, such as doing the shopping;
2) fretting about any stressful situations you may have in your life;
3) feeling frustrated that you haven't come yet!
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