Back in the 60s/70s/80s Betty Dodson (author of Sex for One) conducted masturbation workshops in the USA, first for women and then, due to popular request, for men.
In these workshops, the dozen or so women would gather together in Dodson's lounge for a weekend and masturbate as a group. The aim was for the women to become more comfortable with their bodies, masturbating and discussing masturbation. As a group they would share what worked for them and what didn't; being able to swap tips meant they could try new things. Dodson didn't perceive masturbation as a poor substitute for sex; she saw it as an essential part of female sexuality. The workshops were hugely popular and Dodson continued running them for many years before calling it a day.
I can't think of anything currently running in the UK which comes anywhere close to this type of class. The nearest I can think of is a Tantric Sex workshop I heard about several years ago; unfortunately the workshop leader wasn't somebody I felt remotely comfortable with and so wasn't even tempted to try it.
I can't decide whether I would be willing to attend such a workshop, should one be available. Part of me is scared by the prospect - masturbation, like sex, is a personal and intimate thing - not something I'm usually willing to perform in front of strangers (even if those strangers are all women). Another part of me would value the availability of such workshops; they help to break down the walls of intimacy-aloofness women can have between themselves. I crave closeness and yet find it hard sometimes to get this need met with women friends. Done well, I think these workshops would help to bring female masturbation out of the closet. Masturbation is natural and normal, but at this point in time, we're still ashamed of it. Done poorly though, the sudden exposure of female masturbation in the media could undo much of the acceptance of this act, which has been so hard won over the decades.
Would you attend a masturbation workshop if it was run by a woman, and whom was deemed by you to be both trustworthy and qualified?
If there is anything you would like to add to this post, your contribution is welcomed in the comments section.
Showing posts with label sex for one. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex for one. Show all posts
Tuesday, 30 December 2008
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Anatomy of Female Orgasm
Have I mentioned yet how much I like 'I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide' by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller? Okay, I've only just started reading it, but so far it's distinct from all of the others I'm reading on masturbation. That's what's great about the selection we bought; they're all refreshingly different. [In case you're interested; they're all on the Amazon link to the right.]
Okay, onto the topic of this post; the anatomy of a female orgasm.
A female orgasm is a series of involuntary contractions; which makes it sound about as thrilling as hiccups. Fortunately, these contractions are accompanied by a rush of pleasure hormones; which are what make orgasm feel so wonderful. The involuntary bit is important, because it means that no two orgasms feel the same, nor can you control how an orgasm is going to feel. However, if you're new to masturbation, I would like to point out that you do learn, through trial and error, which way of masturbating works best for you. [I like to use two vibrators - one on my clit and one inside; Kitty likes to rub her g-spot with her finger.] The involuntary contractions usually take place in the vagina, uterus and anus, and for some women in their hands and feet.
How a woman experiences orgasm is unique to her; some may cry out, whereas others will simply do a sharp intake of breath, or everything in-between. Some women will thrash around, whereas others remain still. One thing to remember though is that holding your breath, being too hot, or being distracted, can all easily prevent orgasm or make it barely noticeable. If you find yourself unable to orgasm, or wish your orgasms were more intense; be sure to breath deeply, maintain a comfortable temperature (you will probably grow hotter whilst masturbating), and try meditation to focus your mind so that it doesn't wander. Out of the three, my experience is that keeping focused is the key to orgasm. I only regularly started to have orgasms worth shouting about when I took Betty Dodson's advice (in her book, 'Sex for One'), and meditated at the same time as masturbating.
The duration of orgasm varies - usually three to fifteen seconds - although they can last up to a minute (isn't it great being a woman? :) )
Okay, onto the topic of this post; the anatomy of a female orgasm.
A female orgasm is a series of involuntary contractions; which makes it sound about as thrilling as hiccups. Fortunately, these contractions are accompanied by a rush of pleasure hormones; which are what make orgasm feel so wonderful. The involuntary bit is important, because it means that no two orgasms feel the same, nor can you control how an orgasm is going to feel. However, if you're new to masturbation, I would like to point out that you do learn, through trial and error, which way of masturbating works best for you. [I like to use two vibrators - one on my clit and one inside; Kitty likes to rub her g-spot with her finger.] The involuntary contractions usually take place in the vagina, uterus and anus, and for some women in their hands and feet.
How a woman experiences orgasm is unique to her; some may cry out, whereas others will simply do a sharp intake of breath, or everything in-between. Some women will thrash around, whereas others remain still. One thing to remember though is that holding your breath, being too hot, or being distracted, can all easily prevent orgasm or make it barely noticeable. If you find yourself unable to orgasm, or wish your orgasms were more intense; be sure to breath deeply, maintain a comfortable temperature (you will probably grow hotter whilst masturbating), and try meditation to focus your mind so that it doesn't wander. Out of the three, my experience is that keeping focused is the key to orgasm. I only regularly started to have orgasms worth shouting about when I took Betty Dodson's advice (in her book, 'Sex for One'), and meditated at the same time as masturbating.
The duration of orgasm varies - usually three to fifteen seconds - although they can last up to a minute (isn't it great being a woman? :) )
Thursday, 23 October 2008
Sexual Pigenholes
'Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving' by Betty Dodson, is a fascinating account of her own personal journey of sexual discovery.
Every now and again she drops something in that shatters my previous way of thinking. One of these is our obsession with pigeon-holing people into certain sexual groups. "People [are] socially tortured by having to choose between being straight or gay," (Dodson, B., 1996).
If you're a woman and you like sex with other woman; you're a lesbian, i.e. that's your pigeonhole. If you're a woman and you enjoy sex with men; you're heterosexual. If you enjoy sex with both men and women, that makes you a bisexual. However, are these labels helpful, if we want to fully explore and subsequently become more accepting of our sexual selves?
There are probably thousands of 'heterosexual' women who are curious about sleeping with other women, but are afraid to be labelled as bi. They may not consider themselves bi; merely inquisitive. They just want to explore what turns them on, so that they may discover greater heights of passion and fulfilment. However, social barriers can hinder or quash this exploration before it has even begun. Bisexuals and lesbians [and homosexuals] are still stigmatized, although society is gradually being eroded of its hang-ups in this area.
Why is this important? We've all heard of the countless men and women who rush into marriages, only to announce years later that they consider themselves to be gay. They could have saved themselves and their partners a lot of heartache if they'd felt safe to explore who they really were in their formative years (or older if necessary).
Additionally, there are innumerable marriages which lack passion and again, knowing what turns you on, is key to re-igniting or keeping that sexual spark. Which leads me nicely back on track to 'The Erotic Mind'... more next time.
Every now and again she drops something in that shatters my previous way of thinking. One of these is our obsession with pigeon-holing people into certain sexual groups. "People [are] socially tortured by having to choose between being straight or gay," (Dodson, B., 1996).
If you're a woman and you like sex with other woman; you're a lesbian, i.e. that's your pigeonhole. If you're a woman and you enjoy sex with men; you're heterosexual. If you enjoy sex with both men and women, that makes you a bisexual. However, are these labels helpful, if we want to fully explore and subsequently become more accepting of our sexual selves?
There are probably thousands of 'heterosexual' women who are curious about sleeping with other women, but are afraid to be labelled as bi. They may not consider themselves bi; merely inquisitive. They just want to explore what turns them on, so that they may discover greater heights of passion and fulfilment. However, social barriers can hinder or quash this exploration before it has even begun. Bisexuals and lesbians [and homosexuals] are still stigmatized, although society is gradually being eroded of its hang-ups in this area.
Why is this important? We've all heard of the countless men and women who rush into marriages, only to announce years later that they consider themselves to be gay. They could have saved themselves and their partners a lot of heartache if they'd felt safe to explore who they really were in their formative years (or older if necessary).
Additionally, there are innumerable marriages which lack passion and again, knowing what turns you on, is key to re-igniting or keeping that sexual spark. Which leads me nicely back on track to 'The Erotic Mind'... more next time.
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