In his book*, James Morin Ph.D. talks about peak turn-ons.
The great thing about peak turn-ons, like all other clear memories, is that they contain what Morin calls "'memorability factors' - characteristics that make any event stand out." If you ponder those times when you were really turned-on, certain snippets will jump-out. These memorability factors are one of the keys to getting more peak turn-ons - if you know what has turned you on in the past, you can go a long way in recreating such experiences in the future.
During his research, Morin found peak erotic experiences usually contained one or more of the following:
A first time or, the element of surprise
Halcyon locations/circumstance or partners
Time factors - quickies and drawn-out lovemaking
Once you know what turns you on, you can use this knowledge to make your 'bush exploring' even more pleasurable - by incorporating these pertinent memorability factors into your masturbation fantasies. What's great about a fantasy is if something isn't working, you can quickly modify it until you find what works. Once you have something that 'pushes the button', you can then go on to hone it - this honing can transform an exciting fantasy into something mind-blowing.
*The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfilment.
Showing posts with label erotic thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label erotic thoughts. Show all posts
Wednesday, 15 October 2008
Monday, 13 October 2008
The Erotic Mind continued
Continuing on from my previous post on Jack Morin's excellent book, 'The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment'.
Today I was reading about how important it is to fully accept our erotic thoughts; even though this is likely to reveal our innermost conflicts, eccentricities and unresolved emotional wounds. We fear our erotic thoughts because they make us feel 'naked' and we're afraid of being judged as 'bad' or 'abnormal' by others.
However, there is nothing to say that we have to tell anybody else what they are - ever - or we can choose to tell them to our partner when we become comfortable with them.
We're scared to accept our erotic thoughts, because we're afraid that if we do so, we'll be compelled to act them out and harm others or ourselves as a consequence of this. The truth is the opposite though - people who accept their erotic thoughts are unlikely to harm others. Like everything else about ourselves we fear, the adage, 'What we resist persists, what we accept dissolves' applies.
Self-acceptance and the willingness to suspend judgement, not only gives us the freedom to enjoy fantasy scenarios in the sanctuary of our own minds - fantasies that we may never want to experience in real-life - it is also a key to sexual self-discovery and the resultant enjoyment of more peak sexual experiences.
I'll talk about this more next time.
Today I was reading about how important it is to fully accept our erotic thoughts; even though this is likely to reveal our innermost conflicts, eccentricities and unresolved emotional wounds. We fear our erotic thoughts because they make us feel 'naked' and we're afraid of being judged as 'bad' or 'abnormal' by others.
However, there is nothing to say that we have to tell anybody else what they are - ever - or we can choose to tell them to our partner when we become comfortable with them.
We're scared to accept our erotic thoughts, because we're afraid that if we do so, we'll be compelled to act them out and harm others or ourselves as a consequence of this. The truth is the opposite though - people who accept their erotic thoughts are unlikely to harm others. Like everything else about ourselves we fear, the adage, 'What we resist persists, what we accept dissolves' applies.
Self-acceptance and the willingness to suspend judgement, not only gives us the freedom to enjoy fantasy scenarios in the sanctuary of our own minds - fantasies that we may never want to experience in real-life - it is also a key to sexual self-discovery and the resultant enjoyment of more peak sexual experiences.
I'll talk about this more next time.
Sunday, 12 October 2008
The Erotic Mind
I've just started reading 'The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfilment' by Jack Morin Ph.D.
I value its scientific perspective and I'm all for research into this field - sex has been pushed underground for over two thousand years and it's only in the last 4 decades that it's been given a public airing.
Erotic thoughts are interesting; because they're frequently unique to the individual - what turns one woman on will leave another indifferent.
Erotic thoughts or sexual fantasies often help me to achieve a more intense orgasm. I've also learnt the hard way that it can mean the difference between pleasure and chronic frustration. I used to find it hard to turn myself on; I wanted to masturbate but wasn't in the right frame of mind. Having experienced previous vexation would make me desperate to cum all the more the next time I tried. Yet I knew from previous experience that erotic thoughts helped me cum, therefore it seems silly now that I didn't return to something that I knew worked. However, having been taught as a child that sex was wrong and certain thoughts were evil, I think I was scared of my erotic thoughts.
From sharing the above, I can say that one of the most important things I've gleaned from this book so far is that we don't condemn people for their thoughts - as thoughts do not equate to action. So long as they remain purely figments of a person's imagination then no harm has been caused to herself or anyone else. I say this because sexual fantasies regularly foray into no-go land, such as rape, etc. Again, I reiterate; they're just thoughts. And here's where we need to make the distinction that it is FANTASY and therefore far-removed from reality. To use the above example, lots of women have fantasies about being raped, that does not mean they want to be raped in real-life. Of course they don't.
What about bringing them into physical reality? What happens between two (or more) CONSENTING ADULTS is their business. The words 'consenting' and 'adults' mean everything.
I'll write again on erotic fantasies when I've read more of the book. Until then, I'll leave you with this suggestion: If you've ever struggled to cum through masturbation and don't yet engage your brain first in sexual fantasies - then try erotic thoughts and find out what works for you and what doesn't. You may be pleasurably surprised!
I value its scientific perspective and I'm all for research into this field - sex has been pushed underground for over two thousand years and it's only in the last 4 decades that it's been given a public airing.
Erotic thoughts are interesting; because they're frequently unique to the individual - what turns one woman on will leave another indifferent.
Erotic thoughts or sexual fantasies often help me to achieve a more intense orgasm. I've also learnt the hard way that it can mean the difference between pleasure and chronic frustration. I used to find it hard to turn myself on; I wanted to masturbate but wasn't in the right frame of mind. Having experienced previous vexation would make me desperate to cum all the more the next time I tried. Yet I knew from previous experience that erotic thoughts helped me cum, therefore it seems silly now that I didn't return to something that I knew worked. However, having been taught as a child that sex was wrong and certain thoughts were evil, I think I was scared of my erotic thoughts.
From sharing the above, I can say that one of the most important things I've gleaned from this book so far is that we don't condemn people for their thoughts - as thoughts do not equate to action. So long as they remain purely figments of a person's imagination then no harm has been caused to herself or anyone else. I say this because sexual fantasies regularly foray into no-go land, such as rape, etc. Again, I reiterate; they're just thoughts. And here's where we need to make the distinction that it is FANTASY and therefore far-removed from reality. To use the above example, lots of women have fantasies about being raped, that does not mean they want to be raped in real-life. Of course they don't.
What about bringing them into physical reality? What happens between two (or more) CONSENTING ADULTS is their business. The words 'consenting' and 'adults' mean everything.
I'll write again on erotic fantasies when I've read more of the book. Until then, I'll leave you with this suggestion: If you've ever struggled to cum through masturbation and don't yet engage your brain first in sexual fantasies - then try erotic thoughts and find out what works for you and what doesn't. You may be pleasurably surprised!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
