When I was in my early teens and not yet sexually active or masturbating, I read somewhere that a certain percentage of women were physically incapable of reaching orgasm. Guess who subsequently struggled to reach orgasm and therefore worried that she fell into this category?!
This fear that I was one of those doomed women who couldn't orgasm, meant that I was always uptight during sex and whilst masturbating. This is because I was constantly worrying about whether I would orgasm or not, which increased the likelihood that I wouldn't come and therefore reinforced my belief.
It took me many years of masturbation for me to easily reach orgasm. I learnt to relax. I learnt to stop worrying about whether I would come or not and just enjoy what I was feeling. The more I stopped focusing on the fact that I found it hard to orgasm, the easier I came, and eventually I was able to break my self-sabotaging belief.
I wish I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller had been published when I was a teenager, because reading it would have saved me years of worry and frustration. Apparently, the number of women who really are physically incapable of reaching orgasm is minuscule. Which means you're highly unlikely to be one of them.
According to Shere Hite in The Hite Report, the majority of women who had never reached orgasm were under thirty. (Women reach their sexual peak around 36-years-of-age.) So there is at least one compensation for getting older! It also means that if you're currently in your twenties or younger and struggling to orgasm, you will eventually get there. Although I realise this is little comfort now, if the worry that you can't orgasm is contributing to your being inorgasmic, then it may help you to relax and thus enjoy sex/masturbation more.
Showing posts with label I Love Female Orgasm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I Love Female Orgasm. Show all posts
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Monday, 29 December 2008
If Humans Had Tails...
If you've never bemoaned Homo sapiens's loss of its tail, now is the time to do so! Remember the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle we talked about in an earlier post, and that its strengthening at any opportune moment (supermarket queue/line, traffic jam, etc.), would bring a bigger smile to your orgasming face? Well, if we humans still had tails, we'd be able to wag our way to better orgasms!
No wonder dogs are always so happy!
No wonder dogs are always so happy!
Sunday, 23 November 2008
Female Arousal
More from 'I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide' by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller.
In the 1950s and 1960s the pioneering sex researchers Masters & Johnson, hooked women up to machines and studied their bodies' responses from initial arousal through to orgasm. They found that women start off at the excitement phase and then, if stimulation continues, they go through a plateau phase, before finally reaching orgasm.
The 'finally' bit of this last sentence is the most important. Women can take, on average, 20 minutes to reach orgasm. That's a long plateau phase. This wouldn't be such a problem if women (and their male partners!), didn't compare themselves to men, who take, on average, 2 to 5 minutes to reach orgasm. When women compare themselves to men in this way, they end up believing that 20 minutes is a long time, and put pressure on themselves to come more quickly. Yet this pressure pretty much guarantees against an orgasm.
Remember also that this 20 minute plateau phase is an average - whilst some women can come within a few minutes, many women take much longer.
The long plateau phase means many women get bored and give up before they come. If this is you, it probably leaves you feeling extremely frustrated. Unfortunately, this can also become a vicious circle, with the more a woman wants to orgasm, the more she focuses on the fact that she's not coming and the less she focuses on the sensations she's experiencing. Focusing on not coming is likely to produce more of the same - lack of orgasm and the resultant disappointment. Whereas focusing on bodily sensations are more likely to induce the longed for rush of pleasure. Usually, if you continue with the stimulation that aroused you in the first place, and keep your mind on the job, rather than letting it wander onto your latest troubles or mundane trivialities, you will eventually come. Bunny finds that repeating a single word, mantra-like, which is akin to meditation, keeps her mind on the job and helps her to come in a few minutes (rather than 15 minutes).
Women require constant stimulation during orgasm otherwise the orgasm wanes - ensure your partner is aware of this, else you're in for a dissatisfying time.
After climax, the woman's body will eventually return to its nonaroused state, but if you pause stimulation for 10 to 60 seconds (if the clitoris has become too sensitive to touch), and then continue, you may find that you orgasm again. Kitty likes to clench her buttock muscles during orgasm, as she finds this helps her to have another orgasm. However, we would like to point out that orgasms aren't like trophies in a competition, to collect as many as possible.
In the 1950s and 1960s the pioneering sex researchers Masters & Johnson, hooked women up to machines and studied their bodies' responses from initial arousal through to orgasm. They found that women start off at the excitement phase and then, if stimulation continues, they go through a plateau phase, before finally reaching orgasm.
The 'finally' bit of this last sentence is the most important. Women can take, on average, 20 minutes to reach orgasm. That's a long plateau phase. This wouldn't be such a problem if women (and their male partners!), didn't compare themselves to men, who take, on average, 2 to 5 minutes to reach orgasm. When women compare themselves to men in this way, they end up believing that 20 minutes is a long time, and put pressure on themselves to come more quickly. Yet this pressure pretty much guarantees against an orgasm.
Remember also that this 20 minute plateau phase is an average - whilst some women can come within a few minutes, many women take much longer.
The long plateau phase means many women get bored and give up before they come. If this is you, it probably leaves you feeling extremely frustrated. Unfortunately, this can also become a vicious circle, with the more a woman wants to orgasm, the more she focuses on the fact that she's not coming and the less she focuses on the sensations she's experiencing. Focusing on not coming is likely to produce more of the same - lack of orgasm and the resultant disappointment. Whereas focusing on bodily sensations are more likely to induce the longed for rush of pleasure. Usually, if you continue with the stimulation that aroused you in the first place, and keep your mind on the job, rather than letting it wander onto your latest troubles or mundane trivialities, you will eventually come. Bunny finds that repeating a single word, mantra-like, which is akin to meditation, keeps her mind on the job and helps her to come in a few minutes (rather than 15 minutes).
Women require constant stimulation during orgasm otherwise the orgasm wanes - ensure your partner is aware of this, else you're in for a dissatisfying time.
After climax, the woman's body will eventually return to its nonaroused state, but if you pause stimulation for 10 to 60 seconds (if the clitoris has become too sensitive to touch), and then continue, you may find that you orgasm again. Kitty likes to clench her buttock muscles during orgasm, as she finds this helps her to have another orgasm. However, we would like to point out that orgasms aren't like trophies in a competition, to collect as many as possible.
Friday, 21 November 2008
Anatomy of Female Orgasm continued
Unlike my previous post, we're now getting onto the anatomy of orgasm stuff I didn't know about until I read, 'I Love Female Orgasm,' by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller.
I knew the clitoris was the only organ in the human body whose sole reason for existence was pleasure. The clitoris and penis develop from the same tissue when we're in the womb, but it may surprise you to know that the clitoris is more sensitive (it surprised me). It has two to four times more nerve endings per square inch than the head of a penis; which therefore makes it the most sensitive part of the human body. I'm starting to like the sound of this!
I also knew the clitoris wasn't just the tiny nub we can see and feel - it extends deep inside the body. What I didn't know was that it's split into eighteen separate parts, some of which are quite large (and internal). Hey, I did human sexual reproduction in Biology at degree level, but no lecture taught me about the anatomy of this important organ. The visible parts of the clit are the glans, shaft, hood and inner lips. Inside the woman's body is erectile tissue (the tissue which the penis is comprised of); it is formed into a pair of wishbone shaped clitoral legs. These legs are 2 to 3.5 inches long, are positioned in a backward slant towards the tailbone, and engorge with blood during arousal. Incredibly, these 'legs' were documented as early as the 1600s (centuries before modern medicine) - but subsequent anatomists 'forgot' about them.
Complex nerves, ligaments and blood vessels also make up the clitoral organ. Additionally, there are glands to help with lubrication, which are involved in female ejaculation (when it occurs) - this has been receiving considerable attention in recent years.
No account of the anatomy of female orgasm would be complete without mentioning the G-spot, but this is a big enough topic to warrant its own post, so I won't go into it here except to say what it is. The G-spot, or urethral sponge, is an area of erectile tissue surrounding the urethra (the tube you urinate through). However, the effect it has on you when you apply deep pressure to this spot, is far more exciting than its anatomy would ever imply!
The complex anatomy of the clitoris means that women have extensive potential for sexual pleasure; the clitoris, therefore, deserves far more attention than it is currently getting.
I knew the clitoris was the only organ in the human body whose sole reason for existence was pleasure. The clitoris and penis develop from the same tissue when we're in the womb, but it may surprise you to know that the clitoris is more sensitive (it surprised me). It has two to four times more nerve endings per square inch than the head of a penis; which therefore makes it the most sensitive part of the human body. I'm starting to like the sound of this!
I also knew the clitoris wasn't just the tiny nub we can see and feel - it extends deep inside the body. What I didn't know was that it's split into eighteen separate parts, some of which are quite large (and internal). Hey, I did human sexual reproduction in Biology at degree level, but no lecture taught me about the anatomy of this important organ. The visible parts of the clit are the glans, shaft, hood and inner lips. Inside the woman's body is erectile tissue (the tissue which the penis is comprised of); it is formed into a pair of wishbone shaped clitoral legs. These legs are 2 to 3.5 inches long, are positioned in a backward slant towards the tailbone, and engorge with blood during arousal. Incredibly, these 'legs' were documented as early as the 1600s (centuries before modern medicine) - but subsequent anatomists 'forgot' about them.
Complex nerves, ligaments and blood vessels also make up the clitoral organ. Additionally, there are glands to help with lubrication, which are involved in female ejaculation (when it occurs) - this has been receiving considerable attention in recent years.
No account of the anatomy of female orgasm would be complete without mentioning the G-spot, but this is a big enough topic to warrant its own post, so I won't go into it here except to say what it is. The G-spot, or urethral sponge, is an area of erectile tissue surrounding the urethra (the tube you urinate through). However, the effect it has on you when you apply deep pressure to this spot, is far more exciting than its anatomy would ever imply!
The complex anatomy of the clitoris means that women have extensive potential for sexual pleasure; the clitoris, therefore, deserves far more attention than it is currently getting.
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Anatomy of Female Orgasm
Have I mentioned yet how much I like 'I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide' by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller? Okay, I've only just started reading it, but so far it's distinct from all of the others I'm reading on masturbation. That's what's great about the selection we bought; they're all refreshingly different. [In case you're interested; they're all on the Amazon link to the right.]
Okay, onto the topic of this post; the anatomy of a female orgasm.
A female orgasm is a series of involuntary contractions; which makes it sound about as thrilling as hiccups. Fortunately, these contractions are accompanied by a rush of pleasure hormones; which are what make orgasm feel so wonderful. The involuntary bit is important, because it means that no two orgasms feel the same, nor can you control how an orgasm is going to feel. However, if you're new to masturbation, I would like to point out that you do learn, through trial and error, which way of masturbating works best for you. [I like to use two vibrators - one on my clit and one inside; Kitty likes to rub her g-spot with her finger.] The involuntary contractions usually take place in the vagina, uterus and anus, and for some women in their hands and feet.
How a woman experiences orgasm is unique to her; some may cry out, whereas others will simply do a sharp intake of breath, or everything in-between. Some women will thrash around, whereas others remain still. One thing to remember though is that holding your breath, being too hot, or being distracted, can all easily prevent orgasm or make it barely noticeable. If you find yourself unable to orgasm, or wish your orgasms were more intense; be sure to breath deeply, maintain a comfortable temperature (you will probably grow hotter whilst masturbating), and try meditation to focus your mind so that it doesn't wander. Out of the three, my experience is that keeping focused is the key to orgasm. I only regularly started to have orgasms worth shouting about when I took Betty Dodson's advice (in her book, 'Sex for One'), and meditated at the same time as masturbating.
The duration of orgasm varies - usually three to fifteen seconds - although they can last up to a minute (isn't it great being a woman? :) )
Okay, onto the topic of this post; the anatomy of a female orgasm.
A female orgasm is a series of involuntary contractions; which makes it sound about as thrilling as hiccups. Fortunately, these contractions are accompanied by a rush of pleasure hormones; which are what make orgasm feel so wonderful. The involuntary bit is important, because it means that no two orgasms feel the same, nor can you control how an orgasm is going to feel. However, if you're new to masturbation, I would like to point out that you do learn, through trial and error, which way of masturbating works best for you. [I like to use two vibrators - one on my clit and one inside; Kitty likes to rub her g-spot with her finger.] The involuntary contractions usually take place in the vagina, uterus and anus, and for some women in their hands and feet.
How a woman experiences orgasm is unique to her; some may cry out, whereas others will simply do a sharp intake of breath, or everything in-between. Some women will thrash around, whereas others remain still. One thing to remember though is that holding your breath, being too hot, or being distracted, can all easily prevent orgasm or make it barely noticeable. If you find yourself unable to orgasm, or wish your orgasms were more intense; be sure to breath deeply, maintain a comfortable temperature (you will probably grow hotter whilst masturbating), and try meditation to focus your mind so that it doesn't wander. Out of the three, my experience is that keeping focused is the key to orgasm. I only regularly started to have orgasms worth shouting about when I took Betty Dodson's advice (in her book, 'Sex for One'), and meditated at the same time as masturbating.
The duration of orgasm varies - usually three to fifteen seconds - although they can last up to a minute (isn't it great being a woman? :) )
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